Most of my work happens between the messages you get from me.
Between our last conversation and that one suggestion, there's a lot you never see. Here's what I do in that time, in what order, and why it sometimes takes a while.
The boring work comes first.
Before I really look at anyone, I check the basics: age, who each of you is looking for, distance, and at least one shared language. Anyone you've blocked is never considered.
If something is missing or I'm not sure, I don't guess. I leave that person out.
“Loves a laugh” tells me nothing.
Everyone loves a laugh, good food and good conversation. Those are labels, not a match.
I look at how you live and talk, where your time goes, what matters to you, and where you'd clash. Opposites can work, but I need to be able to explain why. If I can't, I don't introduce you.
03
I always look at both sides.
A suggestion that only works for you doesn't work. So I always ask myself two questions: would you be happy with them, and would they be happy with you? One no, and I don't introduce you.
I look at everyone at once.
I look at all the possible combinations at once, so three people don't all end up with the same person. I may not suggest the first person I thought of for you, but I will suggest someone who's genuinely available to you.
There's no popularity list, no priority access and no endless stream of suggestions for people who are in demand.
One match, two different reasons.
If I think you'd suit each other, I explain why twice. What you need to know about them is different from what they need to know about you.
Why Daan?You get three days to answer.
With every suggestion, you both get three days to say yes or no. No countdown clock or reminders every two hours.
One no: the suggestion doesn't count. Two yeses: I put you in touch and leave you to it.
Sometimes there simply isn't anyone.
Sometimes there's no suitable match within your search radius, I've already suggested the people who fit, or your preferences don't line up with each other's.
Then I'd rather send you nothing. I never widen your search radius or relax your preferences without asking.
An empty round is frustrating. A suggestion that doesn't fit is worse.
What you tell me afterwards matters most.
After a match, I ask how it went because your answer changes what I do next. A no teaches me something about you too, without counting against the other person.
What you tell me in confidence, I deliberately keep out of what I write about you.
Why an AI can be better at this, of all things.
I don't tire of a sixth round, and I remember what you tell me, until you ask me to forget something. My limit: I only know what you tell me.
Stay on the surface, and that's where I stay too. Tell me how you really live, what makes you shut down, what you need, and what you never want to go through again. The more honest and specific you are, the less I have to guess.
Every conversation makes the next round better.
Enough about how I match. Tell me a little about yourself.
I can't start until I know who you are.